In Nightmares We're Alone Read online

  I put my hand up. “Mrs. Coughlin, may I be excused?”

  A grumpy Mrs. Coughlin, still erasing the crude drawing, says, “Lunch is in ten minutes. You can hold it.”

  “Pee on the division!” that boy behind me shouts. He seems to think it’s really funny but I don’t even get what the hell it’s supposed to mean.

  “I just need a drink of water,” I say. “I’m not feeling very well. I think I’m dehydrated.”

  “Do you need to go to the nurse?” she asks.

  Go to the nurse, dear. Dehydration is serious.

  And have them call Mommy to tell her I’m sick? Fat chance.

  “Macie? Do you need to go to the nurse?”

  I’m so overwhelmed that without thinking I start to say ‘fuck the nurse’ and I’m really thankful I catch myself before I’ve gotten past the ‘f’ sound.

  “F— Um… I think I’ll be fine if I just drink some water.”

  “Take the hall pass.”

  I move as fast as I can without drawing attention. As soon as I’m out of sight I duck into the janitor’s closet where Mrs. Harris yelled at me a lifetime ago. When the door is shut behind me I say a few bad words as loud as I can to try and get it out of my system. I punch and kick a steel rack of cleaning supplies until one of my hands is bleeding pretty badly and then something turns over in my stomach and I go down on my hands and knees and throw up on the floor a couple times.

  Poor baby.

  * * * * *

  Getting a bandage for my hand is more trouble than it’s worth. They really want to get on the phone with my mother and I have to very delicately threaten Principal V to get out of it. I tell him my mother has had enough concern with all the phone calls lately and there’s no reason to bother her. Nobody is hurt. The nurse says I may need stitches and I tell the two of them that all I need is a bandage, and if they disagree and feel the need to call my mother, they’re going to find that my behavior this week was actually not so bad in comparison to my behavior next week.

  They bandage it up and make me fill out an accident report where I tell them I tripped and cut it on an open locker. They send me off to eat my lunch and serve my detention sentence.

  By the time I’m halfway through detention I’ve gotten pretty good at ignoring the voice. In an environment where nobody speaks to me and I’m not expected to do anything it’s like getting into the hot tub. Painful at first but it’s not too long before I’m used to it and there’s nothing left she can say to get to me.

  When Mr. Rolfe gets up to go wherever it is he goes, as soon as he leaves the classroom, I turn around to face Martin and say, “You have to come to my house after school. It has to be today.”

  His eyebrows twitch. His face looks positive for a second before it reverts back to neutral and he says, “Yeah, I was gonna say the same thing. The sooner the better.”

  “Did you hear the voices in class today?”

  “Voices?”

  “The witch doll.”

  “No. No, you know what though, I knew I could hear something. It was sort of faint and weird, but I could totally hear something and I could tell you were freaking out.”

  “Thanks for taking the focus away from me.”

  He laughs. “Yeah, that dude I drew pissing on the numbers was pretty funny, huh?”

  “I guess. Are you coming over after school or not? It’s really important. My mom is out of the house and the voices are getting…” I look to my left and remember there are two girls in here with us, really innocent-looking girls who got caught passing notes, and I notice they’re looking at me with really freaked-out faces. I turn back to Martin. “We just have to do it. Immediately.”

  “Hm…” Martin taps his pencil on his desk a few times. “You gonna finally take your clothes off in front of—?”

  “Shhh!” I can’t believe he’d ask that question with other girls in the room. Disgusting.

  “Well are you?”

  “I’ll tell you later.”

  “I want to know now.”

  I shake my head. “Okay, fine, I will. Are you gonna help me burn the bitch then?” As I hear myself say this, I have to look over at the girls sharing the room with us. They look just as uncomfortable as I’d expect them to be.

  “What are you guys talking about?” one of them asks.

  Martin and I stare ahead and shut up.

  * * * * *

  Everything almost goes okay the rest of the day. I don’t get called on in class anymore and I’m able to sit there and do my best to ignore Beth’s voice and stare ahead and pretend to be a good dog. Nobody pays much attention to me and at the end of what feels like fifteen hours, the bell finally rings and we all get up to leave.

  I walk out of the school with Martin and we cut into the woods to head back toward my house and a minute later somebody behind us says, “Hey, witch-girl!”

  It’s two of the girls who like to sing their jump rope chant, one of whom has two black eyes and a huge bandage over her nose. With them they have an older boy, bigger than Martin. Fifth grade, I bet. Maybe even sixth.

  “That’s her?” asks the boy. “That tiny little bitch?”

  “She’s tiny but she’s strong,” says the healthy girl.

  “I just wasn’t ready,” says the one with the broken nose.

  “You still think you’re tough when there’s no grown ups around?” asks the boy.

  “I think you all should turn around and go home,” says Martin, putting himself between us.

  “Back off, kid,” says the older boy. “You can get your ass kicked if you want, but that’s up to you. This is between me and the bitch who attacked my sister.”

  “Your sister should stop threatening people or learn to take a punch,” I say. “That’s common sense.”

  I don’t know why I’m not more scared. Maybe the fact that I’m planning on a life-threatening battle with a doll when I get home has put me in a place where a few kids who might give me a black eye or knock out one of my baby teeth doesn’t feel like it’s the end of the world.

  “I didn’t threaten her,” says the bandaged girl. “She’s a little lying butthead.”

  I laugh. Butthead. Doesn’t matter if we’re fighting with words or fists, this girl’s in a lower weight division.

  “Good little dolly, eyes of red,” I say. “How many days till Macie’s dead?”

  “Yeah? So?” says the girl.

  “I don’t know anything about a doll,” says the boy, “but I wonder about that second part myself.”

  Martin pulls a knife out of his pocket and flips the blade open. “What I wonder is how many seconds before the three of you are dead?”

  The girls step back wide-eyed, even though there’s plenty of distance between them. The boy holds his ground but you can tell his comfort level drops. It’s not a huge knife, maybe three inches long, but the way it changes the mood, I’ve never seen anything like it.

  “Put that thing down. You don’t know how to use it.”

  “Sure I do,” says Martin. “This part goes in your neck and you go in the ground.”

  “Kevin, let’s go,” says one of the girls.

  Kevin looks back at them and then over at us. He takes a step toward Martin and Martin thrusts the blade forward in a stabbing motion. I can’t tell if he makes contact or not but Kevin jumps back and looks terrified and one of his hands goes to his stomach.

  “This isn’t over, kid,” he says to Martin. “You’re fucking dead. You’re both dead.”

  He seems to back off a little so Martin and I walk away, still facing them. As we do, Martin flips them off so I do it too. Something about it feels good, puts a smile on my face. It’s a nice feeling. There won’t be much room for smiles the rest of the night.

  * * * * *

  It’s pretty easy to tell when we go into the house that Sissy and Calvin were totally making out on the couch right before we walked in. Maybe even other gross stuff. You can just tell from the way they’re sitting together
and how they’re trying too hard to look casual.

  “Hey, goon,” she says. “Hey, Mar-tin.” She talks to Martin in that flirty, ‘I know something I’m not supposed to know’ voice and it drives me nuts.

  I wanted Sissy and Calvin to be in her room. That’s usually where they are whenever he comes over. But the TV in the living room is bigger and nicer so I guess that’s why they’re out here. That and the fact that they’ve probably been here for the past hour and since they were the only ones home and they could do all the same stuff in the living room they normally do in their bedroom. G-R-O-S-S, gross.

  “Is Buster outside?” I ask.

  “Yeah, he is.”

  I nod. We’d be all good to go if Sissy would just go back to her room. I think of trying to annoy her so that she will, but I decide to save that as Plan B. For the time being, Martin and I go into my room and give her a bit of time to go back to her room on her own.

  “Where are you going?” Sissy asks.

  “My room.”

  “Ooh, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

  “I’m not doing anything you would do,” I mumble, but I don’t think she hears me.

  As soon as we’re alone in my room with the door shut, Martin asks, “So are you going to change out of your school clothes?”

  I give him a humorless look and then sigh. “Fine. Okay. Let’s get it over with.”

  Already this feels like something Sissy would do. But I had the foresight to wear plain, white underwear today at least.

  I go into my closet and find a new dress, lay it out, and then change into it as fast as I can. Once I’ve stripped everything off I start dressing again so fast that he says, “Hey wait, I didn’t see.”

  For about one second I stand with my arms out like he did and then I go back to dressing.

  “Do you think you’re ugly or something?” he asks.

  “No.”

  “Then why are you nervous? I think you’re pretty.”

  “I don’t care about being pretty.”

  “Everybody cares about being pretty. Even boys want to be handsome, we just don’t say it.”

  “I don’t think about it.”

  “Do you think I’m handsome?”

  I look at him for a few seconds. “I don’t know.”

  “You mean no.”

  “I mean I don’t know.”

  “Do you want to be my girlfriend?”

  I pause. Nobody has ever asked me that question. And nobody has ever told me how you say no to it without sounding mean.

  “That sounds like a no,” says Martin, looking disappointed.

  “I didn’t say… I just…”

  “So you want to then?”

  “Can we just set my mom’s doll on fire? And talk about this later?”

  “You said we can’t. We have to wait for your sister to clear out.”

  “Yeah, but…”

  “So why don’t you want to be my girlfriend?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe I… What do I have to do?”

  “Nothing you don’t want to. I was hoping maybe we could… you know… kiss?” He kicks one foot up and looks down when he says it. If he wasn’t blushing about being naked, he definitely is about kissing.

  I look away. “I don’t want to.”

  “Come on. Just for like ten seconds.”

  “TEN seconds!?”

  “Okay, five.”

  “No. I can’t.”

  “Then I won’t help you with the doll.”

  My stomach sinks. “That’s blackmail!”

  “Well, I don’t know, but that’s… how it is.”

  “Why do you want me to be your girlfriend so bad?”

  “Because I think you’re cool and… pretty and stuff.”

  “Then why are you being mean?”

  “I’m not.”

  “You totally are.”

  “Only when you are.”

  “I’m not trying to be. I just don’t want to do that.”

  “I like you. So I think we should be boyfriend and girlfriend. Plus…” He stops.

  “Plus what?”

  “I don’t know, just…”

  “What?”

  “I don’t think your mom should date my dad. If we start going out then it’ll be weird for them and maybe they’ll stop.”

  “Wait. My… My mom is dating your dad?”

  “Yeah. You didn’t know that?”

  “No.”

  This statement really bothers me for some reason. Something feels very wrong about it. And after a second I realize what it is.

  “You said your dad got killed by a parakeet.”

  He pauses for a second. “He did. This my stepdad. Or… My old stepdad, I mean. They’re divorced now, but I still call him my dad because he’s more of a dad than my real dad was.”

  “You’re lying.”

  “Am not.”

  “How come you couldn’t hear the doll at school and I could?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe because I haven’t been around it as much or something.”

  “Did you ever hear it?”

  “Of course.”

  “I mean it. Honestly. This is important.”

  “Yes. I heard the doll.”

  “What did it sound like?”

  “Come on.”

  “What does her voice sound like?”

  “Like a… girl’s voice? I don’t know.”

  “How old does she sound?”

  “How do I know?”

  “Take a rough guess.”

  He hesitates and I know he’s lying before he even answers. But it’s even more clear when he says, “Two?”

  “Oh my God, you were lying the whole time,” I say.

  “That’s how she sounds to me.”

  “Why did you tell me you could hear her if you couldn’t?”

  “I could hear her.”

  “That’s why you thought my dog was crazy and not that the doll was evil.”

  “Your dog is crazy.”

  “The doll made him attack us.”

  “You know what, maybe it’s you who’s crazy.”

  “Maybe it is. I trusted you.”

  “There are no voices, Macie. It’s a stupid fucking doll and that’s it. No witches, no possessed dogs, no psychic abilities, no monsters. I thought it was just something you did to amuse yourself but damn. You need serious medical help.”

  I try to say something mean back and all that comes out is “Well you need to learn how to pass the second grade.”

  He gives a derisive laugh and says, “Whatever.” He heads for the door. “You’re not really pretty. I was lying.”

  “I don’t care.”

  Somehow my first couple’s quarrel has come before my first kiss or my first relationship. Maybe that’s normal. I don’t know.

  He storms out of my room and heads back toward the door and I follow him. As he goes stomping through the living room Sissy and Calvin snap to attention.

  “What’s going on?” asks Sissy.

  “I’m leaving,” says Martin.

  Sissy looks at me coming down the hall after him with tears in my eyes and says, “Stop him,” to Calvin, who grabs Martin’s arm and holds him at the door.

  “What happened?” asks Sissy.

  “Your sister’s a bitch is what happened,” says Martin.

  “Oh, you better watch yourself.” I’ve never heard Sissy sound so much like Mommy. “Are you okay, Macie?”

  Let him go, dear. He’s no good for you.

  “He’s a liar,” I say.

  “About what?” asks Sissy.

  “Everything.”

  “Should I tell your sister what you just showed me in your room?” asks Martin.

  I freeze. I don’t know why after everything that’s happened, this is something that frightens me, but I don’t say anything. Sissy looks over at me and I dread the moment when she asks what I showed Martin. Then she turns back to him.

  “Get the hell out and don�
��t come back.”

  “That’s what I’m trying to do.”

  “And if you say anything bad about my sister at school, I’ll break your fucking arm.”

  He holds his arms out at his sides like he’s unarmed and under attack. He turns for the door and leaves.

  Sissy turns to me again, “Everything okay?”

  Of course it is. You’re fine now, dear. All better.

  I go into the kitchen and grab a butter knife off the counter. I start prying the knife into the door to unlock the doll room.

  “Macie, what are you doing?”

  Listen to your sister. She knows what’s best for you.

  I get the knife in right and pull the door open.

  “Macie, knock it off,” says Sissy.

  I go into the doll room and pull the chair up next to the shelf.

  “Stop it. Not today, Macie! What are you doing?”

  Sissy grabs me and I push her back violently so she hits the shelf on the other side of the room.

  “Hey!” says Calvin who’s been standing in the doorway up until now. He moves toward me.

  I jump up on the chair, grab Beth off the top shelf, and run, but Calvin grabs my arm.

  I hurl the doll into the floor as hard as I can. It makes a loud cracking sound and slides across the room to Sissy’s feet, but it doesn’t burst open like I want it to.

  “Jesus, Macie!” says Sissy.

  Outside I can hear Buster barking and snarling and scratching at the sliding glass door.

  “Are you all right, babe?” Calvin asks Sissy.

  As soon as he turns his head I bite down hard on his wrist. He howls. I taste blood. He lets go of my arm and I duck past him and run for the doll. I pick it up off the floor and Sissy grabs my dress and Calvin grabs my hair, but my adrenaline is so high I just keep running. The dress tears and I feel a clump of hair ripping up my scalp and coming off in Calvin’s hand.

  “Christ! What the hell?” I hear Calvin say behind me as I push through the doorway into the living room and turn for the fireplace.

  I don’t care if I’m the only one hearing it. I’m not imagining it. And even if I am, burning Beth to ash will fix my psyche a heck of a lot faster than any shrink.

  “What are you doing, Macie?” I hear Sissy shout.